


Ol Mc'Ryan Had A Farm

by TabiKittyKat



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: FAHC, Fake AH Crew, Fluff, M/M, Murder Break
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-29 11:02:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17806787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TabiKittyKat/pseuds/TabiKittyKat
Summary: Ryan had a bit too much fun and now has to lay low in the countryside.How long will he last? And will the farm survive at the hands of the Vagabond?





	1. E-I-E-I-O

Geoff and Ryan were sitting in the kitchen, but it wasn't for a casual lunch date. Geoff had his arms crossed, and his tux a little ruffled in annoyance. Ryan sat across from him, arms also crossed and staring at his boss through the mask covering his face. He was grateful at times like these that he had that mask of his.

"All right, Ryan. Care to explain what you and Jeremy have just done? I've already heard it from Jeremy, but I want to hear it from you, too. And no bullshit. I know the truth." Geoff asked.

Ryan just shrugged. "Just had a bit of fun, that's all."

"A bit of fun?! Ryan, you've taken out a random gang and they haven't done shit to us! And you've been knocking people off motorcycles left and right!"

"Hey. I'm not the one that ran them over afterwards. That was all Jeremy." Ryan raised his hands in defense.

Geoff slammed his hands on the table and sighed. "Ryan...Jesus Christ, dude. Are you bored or something? Is this what you do when you're bored?"

"Not really. I water my plants and play video games. I like to read books and listen to show tunes. And when all that fails, THEN I resort to murder." Ryan points out. 

"Oh my God. You're nuts. Ryan, I'm putting you on a murder break-"

"What the fuck?! Not again!" Ryan stood up from the table in an outrage. If Jack hadn't spent so much time setting it for dinner that night, he would've flipped the table over. "Geoff, you know what those do to me! I can't go through that again." 

Geoff also stood up quickly. "Well, too fucking bad because I'm the boss and what I say goes, you asshole! But, this time, I have something else planned for you. You're not gonna just sit around the penthouse moping and whining because you don't get to go out and be the spooky mercenary and murder all the time. Nope. You're taking a little trip."

"I'm not going back to Georgia."

"Would you let me finish?!" Geoff sighed. "Back in the days, when the city life got too much for me, I would pack up a small bag, and haul ass to a farm my father owned. When he passed away, he left it to me in his will and I've been going back and forth sometimes to check on it. Plant some crops, feed the animals, shit like that." 

"...and what does this have to do with me?" Ryan asked.

"Everything, because you're going to that farm for a week. It's away from the city, it's nice and quiet, no one will bother you and you'll have animals for company. Just be careful where you step. You never know when the horses will have to take a shit."

Ryan gasped in horror. "Geoff! You can't be serious! Who's ever heard of a mercenary taking care of a farm?! Besides, what will you guys do without me? What'll Jeremy do? He needs me!"

"I'm sure he'll be fine without you for a week. It's for your own good, Haywood. You need to relax and not think of ripping someone in two once in a while."

"Thinking about it right now..." Ryan muttered under his breath. 

"Now, go and pack your shit. No weapons, I'm warning you. When you're ready and you've said your goodbyes to everyone for the week, I'll drive you over there. You'll be fine, Ryan. I promise." Geoff gave Ryan a pat on the back.

Ryan just growled and stormed upstairs, slamming the door to his room afterwards.

Jeremy peeked his head out the door and yelled downstairs. "Murder break again, huh Geoff?" 

"Yep!"


	2. And On This Farm, He Had A...

"Ryan, slow down and tell me what's going on, buddy." Jeremy tried to catch up with Ryan, as the masked mercenary went from his dresser to the suitcase on his bed, taking clothes and stuffing them in. 

"Ryan, pal. Please stop. My legs can only keep up so much." Jeremy slammed the suitcase lid down before Ryan could put another batch of clothes in. The Vagabond eventually relented and sat down on the bed, his Battle Buddy now sitting beside him. He took his mask off and sighed, running his hands through his hair. Jeremy was the only person Ryan would trust with seeing his face without the face paint. They were boyfriends and partners for a long time, after all. 

"Geoff wants me to go on a murder break-"

"I got that part."

"But he wants me to go to his fucking farm to do it! For a whole week! Jeremy, I can't do this. I can't be away from the crew. From you. What'll I do without you?" Ryan looked at Jeremy and stroked his cheek. Jeremy could feel the tears welling up in Ryan's eyes, so he quickly enveloped the taller gent into a hug.

"Aw, Ryan. I know it's gonna be hard. But just think of how relaxed you'll be when you get back! You'll be away from the sounds of the city and the sounds of us wrecking shit in it. No more car horns or people swearing as they cross the street. No more nonsense questions from Gavin about coins or running down mountains after you fall. You'll have the sound of silence for a whole week. That's something Geoff wishes he could have. I know how hard your murder breaks can be, but this one, I know you can do. You've got this, Ryan. I believe in you." 

Ryan sighed and gave Jeremy a kiss on the cheek. "I'm gonna miss you so much."

"I'll miss you, too. But if this'll help you relax when you get back and not go on as many murder sprees as before, I think Geoff knows what he's doing. Plus, I can give you a call, so it won't be that bad. Now, how about we fold up some of these clothes instead of tossing them in like an animal, and I'll help you pack?"

"I love you so much, Lil J"

"Right back at ya, Haywood." 

The packing was finally done, after sitting on the suitcase together and talking about how Ryan would probably make a better farmer than he thinks, and it was finally night time. It was also Ryan's last night in the penthouse and in the city before Geoff would take him to his new home. The Vagabond, make-up applied and mask back on, could be found sitting on the balcony, looking up at the clear, night sky. The stars were twinkling up above in an order only they knew about. He close his eyes and took a breath, a deep sigh exhaling from his mouth.

"Hey, Rye-bread."

Ryan turned to see the Golden Boy, Gavin Free, standing by the balcony door, waving lightly. Ryan just nodded in response. He didn't want to discuss the wonders of life with Gavin tonight, so he hoped this conversation would be short and sweet.

"Mind if I have a seat next to you? Seeing as I won't have the chance to do this for a week, I might as well have a chat with you now." After a small shrug from Ryan, Gavin quickly claimed his spot next to Ryan before he could change his mind.

"Lovely night, innit?" 

"What do you want, Gavin?"

"Wot-? Ryan, I just wanted to talk. Also wanted to see if I could move my things into your room so I could possibly have two rooms, but just mostly wanted to talk."

The masked murdered just groaned and threw his head back in annoyance. "Ignoring your dumb as hell request, what did you want to talk about?"

Gavin sighed. "Well, Boi and I were wondering if you were going to be okay without us. I know it's gonna probably be hard without hearing him chase me around the house every morning. We're worried about you."

Ryan smiled lightly under the mask. He didn't think the crew cared about him so much. "I...appreciate that, Gavin. Thank you. I don't know what's going to happen to me this week, but I'll be fine. I promise. Geoff wouldn't do this to me unless he had a reason for it. I guess."

"Lemme tell you something. Geoff is a good bloke. Took me in when I had no one. I was out pickpocketing for small change, just to get by. I was good at it and then I made the mistake of trying to rob a man with a tux and handlebar mustache. That was Geoffrey. Saw I had potential to help with a crew he was forming and well, the rest is history. He's like the dad I've never had. He knew there was a reason to help me become the gold wearing hacker I am today, so there has to be a reason for you to become Ryan the Farmer Guy for a week. It's weird, but I'm sure something will come from all this."

Ryan took the time to think about what Gavin said. Geoff would protect Gavin with his life and Gavin would stand up for Geoff 'till his dying breath. Ryan knew he had nothing to fear. Almost.

"Thanks, Gavin. That means a lot coming from you." Ryan gave Gavin a pat on the back, as Gavin stood up to head back inside. The Brit stretched and walked to the balcony door. He turned the knob and looked at Ryan with a smirk.

"Also, look at it this way. You stay at the farm without causing trouble for a week, and I win $50 from Micoo! Yeah, we made a bet to see how long you'd last. But, uh...hang in there and all that shite. You got this, Rye-Rye." Gavin quickly gave a thumbs up and ran inside before Ryan could catch and possibly strangle him. 

 

The day arrived as quickly as the night ended and the crew were all standing outside the penthouse, but Ryan was the only one with a suitcase in his hand. Michael, Gavin and Jack exchanged goodbyes and see ya laters with Ryan, complete with hugs and giving him little trinkets to "remember them by." 

Ryan turned to Jeremy and sighed. "This is it, Battle Buddy. Here's hoping you don't get too bored and start looking for a replacement." 

"Never, pal. I'll be here when you come back. Maybe with a pet?" 

"No." Jack immediately said.

"Welp. I tried." Jeremy stood on his tip-toes and gave Ryan the biggest hug he could muster. "I love you, Ryan. I love you so much. Please come back to me soon."

"I'll try, Jeremy my love." Ryan moved from a hug to a kiss on the lips. Jeremy held him tighter as they both shared a long, passionate kiss. 

"Get a room!" Gavin joked.

"Shut up, Free! We don't say anything when it's you and Michael!" Jeremy flipped him off. 

Ryan ruffled Jeremy's hair. "Stay outta trouble, Lil J" 

"I'll try my best." Jeremy booped Ryan on his mask nose. 

"Ryan, remember what I told you! You can do it!" Gavin gave Ryan a thumbs up. 

"If I see anything gold in my room when I return, you're not getting it back." the Vagabond glared at him. Gavin just chuckled nervously, until he remembered something and gasped.

"One more thing, Ryan! I forgot to tell you. You'll probably see a lad with a lovely horse named Appleseed next door to your farming area. Tell Appleseed I said hello. Yep, just the horse. I don't bloody care about the rider."

"Uhh...okay, sure. Whatever." Ryan replied with a curious look on his face.

"Thank you, Ryan!" Gavin gave Ryan a big hug, as tight as he could, but Ryan couldn't quite feel the extra tight grip so he returned the favor with a just as strong hug and several pats on the back.

"All right, Ryan! Enough of the mushy bullshit. It's only for a goddamn week. It's time to go." Geoff called from the car. Ryan put his suitcase in the trunk and turned to his crew mates, his family, once more.

"Well, this is it. I'm sorry if I've caused any trouble with my murdering. But, you all should know by now that it can't be helped. I'm going to this farm in the middle of nowhere with fear, anger, but also with hope. Hope that I can get through this and see you all again in a week. I'll miss you all. Even Gavin."

"WOT?!"

"Don't have too much fun without me, all right?" Ryan winked, which made Jeremy run to him for another hug and kiss.

"Just so you don't forget about me." Jeremy smiled, fighting back tears.

"Stay strong for me, Rimmy Tim. I'll see you soon." Ryan kissed Jeremy on the forehead before getting in the passenger seat of he AH-mobile. After honking the car's loud and obnoxious horn, the car took off with Ryan waving from the back. He could see Jeremy trying to run with the car to catch up to it, but after a few seconds, the Boston bald man stopped, hands collapsed on his knees. 

"Saw a movie where that actually worked. They lied to me..." he managed to say. 

 

After an hour and a half, Ryan was almost ready to doze off to sleep. They were in the countryside, but with all the trees and bushes and hills, everything starts looking the same and pretty boring for him. 

Until Geoff makes one turn that keeps him wide awake. He stops the car in front of a farmhouse, with the usual picket fence, chimney, sawhorse in the back and two floors. He looked around and saw the usual red and white barn, in mostly good shape, with stables a chicken coop and the like close by. 

Ryan was here. The farm of his nightmares. But would the nightmare be for him or the animals?


End file.
